Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz and Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand

I never liked nor really spent time watching TV series until I started watching How I Met Your Mother again.

I’ve always thought watching TV series is a waste of time. But ever since I started watching How I Met Your Mother again, I have changed my mind. I realized if you’d just think and process the experiences you have in life, you could get lots and lots of lessons from them. Perhaps there are TV series that you really can’t get much from (I’d assume something like Gossip Girls), but How I Met Your Mother really got me thinking about relationships, friendships and life.

And I said “I started watching it again” because I actually watched a few episodes of it with my friends when I was in Germany. But then I saw that there’re so many seasons and episodes, meaning it never really gets to the point of HOW “I” really met the mother, and so I just stopped watching, thinking it would be such a waste of time. Thinking back, I was so wrong. I now understand why this production involves so many seasons and episodes, and has such a long story that seems never ending –

because this is life!

In How I Met Your Mother, you would, of course, come to understand how Ted eventually met his wife – the mother of his children in the very end. Yet the more I watch the series, the less I care about how, actually, Ted met his wife. I really wish this series would never end. It has taught me many life lessons. And as a young person, it shows me how unpredictable life is, what situations could happen when I get older, and how people and their mind would change as we all move forward in life. Besides, it also gets me thinking and reflecting on relationships a lot.

I haven’t started watching the latest season, but I saw a friend’s post of a youtube video showing the episode about Victoria and Klaus. Somehow, what Klaus said really hits me….He basically said:

“There is a word in German, Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. And the closest translation would be “lifelong treasure of destiny.”

And Victoria is wunderbar, but she is not my lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. She is my beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand. You know?

It means “the thing that is almost the thing that you want, but it is not quite.”

Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz is not something that develops over time. It’s something that happens instantaneously. It causes swirling like the water of a river after a storm, filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body, in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin.

Have you ever felt this way about someone?

If you have to think about it, you have not felt it. Everyone does eventually, you just never know when or where.”

– Klaus, How I Met Your Mother

Of course, the words “Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz” and “Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand” are just made-up German words. But his words raised a question about relationship that I often ask:

Should we settle with someone who’s just good enough (the Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand), or keep searching for the perfect one (the Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz)?

A long time ago, when I had my first boyfriend, I decided it’s okay to just settle with someone who’s good enough. Ironically, I broke up with my first boyfriend because I thought I wouldn’t be 100% happy with him all the time if I ever settle with him. But right now, I think I’m still thinking the same thing – that it’s okay to settle with someone who’s just good enough, that the person I end up with doesn’t have to be perfect for me, nor does he have to cause all those feelings described above.

Thinking about Klaus’ words, I actually think I once found my Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. Our relationship wasn’t something that was developed over time. He filled and emptied me all at once, causing swirling like water of a river after a storm. I felt, and sometimes still feel, it throughout every inch of my body, and of course my heart. And before Klaus asked that question whether I’ve felt this way about someone, I already knew it was him.

But so? What if you do find someone like this, but that someone doesn’t feel the same way about you?

Not that I’m saying he didn’t feel the same way about me. I’d like to think he did, but I would never ever know the truth anyways. Too bad I have already met someone like this sometime and somewhere, and that this someone wouldn’t be my “eventually”.

And the saddest part is…

People change. I don’t even think this Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz of mine exists anymore.


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